Week 2 of the lockdown and thankfully we are all still healthy. As yet no friends & family have been affected.
I wanted to do an uplifting blog about how everything was okay ...but it's not, and I can't be bothered pretending it is. The lack of routine, and the need to be buoyant around the kids is taking its toll.
I read the story yesterday about a 13year old in London who died. On a ventilator, then an induced coma, then dead. I know how that feels and it is horrendous, and all those feelings come flooding back.
I sobbed in Lauren's room last tonight. I miss her so much. By the time this is over many more people are going to loose sons, daughters, mums and dads. It's all really shit and to pretend otherwise is too bloody tiring.
I'm not sleeping very well and I'm drinking too much. I know the two are linked so from today I'm stopping the alcohol.
It feels like life is on pause, the crappy VHS pause when everyone judders slowly forward. The problem is my life is paused at a really rubbish bit. I had loads of plans for this year, new holidays and memories to help us all move forward. One by one they are all being cancelled, and I can't even feel excited about the ones still on, because who knows if they will happen.
I guess this week is self pity week! Not my proudest moment. We are all going through this and I know everyone will have their own issues to face. But knowing it and getting your brain out of the fug are two different things.
I'm stewing fruit now like some 1970s housewife. The kids have finished schoolwork for the day and are busy helping the Husband on his garden creations. We've planted up our little indoor gardens
Tomorrow will be a better day