I don't think the true destruction of our mental health will be laid bare until the lockdown eases. Like many people I am furloughed. I could work, but I am lucky enough to be able to decide not to, not until it feels abit safer. The Husband is on grief leave and obviously the kids are off school, so we are all ensconced together.
It wasn't until the VE celebrations that I realised how insular I have become. I could hear people sat at the front of their houses, chatting and celebrating this historic landmark. I'd like to say I joined them at the front of my property, not actually next to them, obviously. But I didn't. I hid away. I felt panicked. I didn't like to hear people happy, doing things, having a life.
I know conversation with people outside of my family unit, even just for 5 minutes, would of helped me. But I avoided it.
It's been a hard 5 months, and a large chunk of that time has been in lockdown. I was just getting used to going back to work and seeing friends when Covid-19 happened. I'm not sure how I will cope when the time comes to do it again. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling that way. And I definitely know that compared to some peoples experience of cornovirus I've had it easy. We are healthy, physically at least. The kids are coping well but yesterday was a real wake up call for how hard the unlockdown is going to be.
I realise I sound unpatriotic and I definitely don't want people to think I begrudge the celebrations. I loved seeing the bunting out everywhere and all the street parties are a great sign of an amazing community. But it's also a wretched reminder to me that the worst thing alot of people are dealing with is the effects of the lockdown. When the unlockdown commences we will still be left with a massive Lauren shaped hole in our lives.
