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Updated: Sep 26, 2020

This week I've been tackling my backlog of emails. Over 2000 in my Gmail account. All the lists I've subscribed to with the promise of 10% discount off the first order. I don't even know what I was ordering, but the problem with over consumerism is a whole different issue.

As I went back through the months of emails, deleting those not required, it was impossible not to come across the ones sent at the time of Lauren's death. Further back still and there were her progress reports from school. letters with details of the many school trips she was booked on, appointments for pointe shoe fittings, eye tests.... the lists of a life no longer lived. I kept them all, obviously, even the most mundane. It is imposssible for me to delete anything that is even remotely connected to her. I fear that I will get rid of something and then regret it, so I keep everything. I'm sure as the years go by I'll become less of a hoarder, but if not I don't see that it matters. In the whole scheme of things hanging on to a few emails is hardly something worthy of thought.

But I did whittle the thousands of emails down to a few hundred, and unsubscribed from lots. I also found lots of emails that I hadn't seen the first time round, lost in the plethora of junk.

It made me realise that unsubscribing from the spam is a good metaphor for life. It is good to rid ourselves of all the unnecessary things, the things of no relevance, as only then can we see the truly important stuff. The experiences that we would otherwise miss.

It felt for a while that coronavirus would give us all time to unsubscribe from the spam of life, to wake up and smell the coffee. But I fear that the opportunities have not been taken. Yes, people have gone out to enjoy the great outdoors, but not in the beautiful way we hoped, but in a way of wanton destruction and selfishness.

Instead of taking the time to see the important things in life, to re-set our perspectives on the world around us, we became bored and destructive, angry and judgemental.

While we should have been taking the time to unsubscribe from all the inane content in the world we have instead become completely engrossed in the spam folder. No knowledge of any worth will ever be found there.

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