We've just returned from our third break away during the school holidays. There was definitely a determination on our part to get away and make some new happy memories.
I was concerned that we would miss Lauren even more on holiday, that her absence would feel greater. But that hasn't been the case. I'm not exactly sure why. I don't think it's as simple to say that we were busy so didn't think of Lauren. Most days we talked of her, and retold stories that included her, but we did so with no sorrow.
In fact I didn't feel sad until we came to pack away, by the time we were driving home I was crying. It was hard for all of us (not just my crying). The mood changed as soon as we got ready to leave, it wasn't as if it waited until we got home.
I don't know why this should be. Maybe it has something to do with our holiday coming to an end, but the grief continuing. It gives the sadness a feeling of permanence. I suppose what it does show is that I still have a lot to learn about this new journey I am on. It also shows that I need a lottery win so that I can always be on holiday 💙💙
