I'm sat here waiting for the start time then I can check the splits for each event online to know he's completed everything safely.
I catastrophise. I'm aware of it and I think it's completely understandable. When you've had a life altering event, that literally turns your world upside down in under a week, you tend to be geared to expect the worst. I've lost the ability to believe it will never happen, as I know it sometimes does. But it can be debilitating. I have had to learn to divert the spiral down, as the worry will not stop something & all the risk assessment in the world can not eradicate every risk.
Part of the flip side of feeling like this, the knowledge that it could all end in a moment, makes life all the more vibrant. It creates a need to live, to feel, to love. There is no time to worry over the insignificant.
At least that is what I would like to believe, because in reality, life with all its blindingly insignificant occurances always get in the way, and before you now it the stuff you swore would never be a worry again slowly insidiously sneaks it's way back in. And that brave new world you hoped for, is just a faded photograph.
Not so with Chris, today he carries on with his events which serve the dual process of raising money for Sepsis Research FEAT and also keeping the mediocracy at bay. His worries this morning are not insignificant, they are concerned with swimming a mile in Lynn Peris lake, cycling 40k and running over 11k up a slate mine. The pain of the event a cathartic release to a tiny portion of the constant pain that is the loss of Lauren.
If that pain can be used in a good way, then it becomes less toxic. It stops being something that smothers and instead morphs into something else. I'm not sure I have the correct words to describe it, maybe a sense of purpose...
I guess all you really need to know is that this triathlon will be incredibly tough for Chris, and he'd probably be the first to admit that he could of trained harder, and also that he is raising money for Sepsis Research FEAT and you can donate for him here, a step towards the dream that sepsis outcomes can improve for others through further medical research.
