Grief, it's such a small word for such a huge amount of emotions. We grieve for so many reasons, the loss of a loved one (animal or human) the loss of a job, a relationship, a way of life. Mum's feel grief when their children leave home, or maybe joy or maybe both. We grieve when our football team looses or we fail an exam. Basically every negative thing that happens is parcelled up under the grief label. In fact when someone is being annoying we tell them to stop giving us grief.
Is it any wonder that we dont know how to deal with Grief, or what it even is. It is every negative thought and action, and every reaction to them. It is pain and suffering, death and loneliness, fear, laughter, sorrow and relief. It can be all of these and so many more.
Not only are all the feelings unique but so is the person that is feeling them. No one laughs or cries like you, no one feels the same pain as you, no one will deal with grief in the same way as you.
As we approach the three year anniversary of Lauren's death I stopped to think about what I had learnt, what nugget of knowledge I could pass on to someone like me.
You would think there would be a raft or does or don'ts at this point, but I'm probably just as lost with it all as I was at the start. I think all I have really learnt is that feelings change, not in a linear way, but just from day to day, and that is what you have to learn to cope with.
If I had to give advice I guess I would say do more of what helps for you and less of what doesn't. It is possible to live alongside your grief, but it does take work, don't expect it to happen without lots of effort.
My effort is writing, but also going back to college to study, it's also practising self care & dog walks and remembrance rituals. But they are specific to me, someone else may need different things, but we all need something to cope when life changes
“It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.”
Patti Davis