After the fingerpainting, and the fingerprints, after the singing, after we said our final goodbyes, after we turned Lauren's machines off, we left Alderhey.
We didn't pack up our things from Mac house, we just took my car & drove home.
We wanted the cocoon of home....and a really stiff drink.
The car on the way home was silent. We were all in shock. This wasn't supposed to happen. I spent my time contacting friends, schools, clubs to let them know what had happened. I'm not sure why I needed everyone to know immediately. I guess I would of said it was to stop anymore texts asking for updates. But I fear the real reason was more cruel, I didn't want people to be happy when I was so broken. I wanted to pass on a small part of my heartache. No one should be happy if Lauren was dead.
When we got home drinks were drunk and tears were shed. I think that night was the most upset I've seen her siblings. They couldn't comprehend what had happened. We all thought that Lauren would get better. We took her to hospital in good time, she got all the right treatment, she was supposed to be okay.
We had arranged at Alderhey for Lauren to be brought nearer to home, to Derian house. What I didn't realise until the next day was that we needed to appoint a funeral director to oversee moving her. It felt unreal that less than 24hrs after my daughter died I need to deal with real life stuff.
Luckily for us a family friend was a funeral director. Appointing him was the single thing that made the funeral planning easier. I know not everyone has that luxury, but, if you can, use your friends where possible, (thanks Harry).
We now began the process of the funeral preparations, one of the most bizarre and upsetting of which was being forced to travel back to Lauren's city of death a couple of days later to register her death. We had to take the form given us by the hospital back to Liverpool and sit in a waiting room with the same people registering births and marriages. Then we answered a selection of mundane questions before being given another form that we needed to pass onto the funeral director to allow the funeral to take place.
So much for the digital revolution!