I now know that time is not a great healer, in fact it does fuck all. It just goes by, day by day, changing nothing.
I change things
The shock of death reduces. I am aware that bad things happen, and they happen to people like me, ordinary people who are just happily going along with life.
I understand about normalcy bias, the belief that because everything is good now, it will continue that way. I miss the shroud of optimism that it brought.
I feel more, see more, watch more, because I know that the unthinkable is there, just lurking out of sight. I wish I knew that a little less (or a whole lot less)
There is no big knowledgeable "hallelujah", there is just life in all its pain and all its love.