Today marks five months since Lauren died. Five months today we were driving back from Alderhey in stunned silence, almost fleeing the scene in our attempt to remove ourselves from the pain. We wouldn't flee it, it came with us.
It still doesn't seem real that she is gone, but also our life with her seems a long time ago. The past weeks in lockdown have gone even more slowly than the ones before. Not a unique feeling I realise, but worth noting either way.
We had planned to fill this year with happy experiences, holidays, days out, anything to prove that our life could still contain some semblance of fun, even without Lauren.
We have yet to be able to do that. Although what we can do is spend quiet time together as a family. It is healing time. It might not be the time we planned, but it might just be the time we need.
I look forward to a time when we can again go out. Not just to go to work, if we can overcome the fear of the virus, but actually on fun, carefree days out. The ones where happy new family memories are made.