Today marks 4 months since we said our final goodbyes to Lauren. 4 months since the consultants told us she'd suffered a catastrophic brain injury, and I asked them how they could fix her. 4 months since we let her brother & sister eat jelly for breakfast because we'd just had to tell them that Lauren was not going to get better. 4 long months since we drove home from Alderhey Hospital knowing nothing would ever be the same again.
I guess at the minute nothing is the same for anyone. Nearly 1000 people died yesterday, without their family by their side. NHS workers terrified of going to work, of getting sick, or making their families sick, but still having the courage to go. People holed up their homes, missing friends and family. We are all living a different reality.
"There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen." Lenin
My life can now be put into 3 distinct times, before Lauren, with Lauren and after Lauren. I'm not broken, I don't need fixing. I'm a grieving mother, and I will always be a grieving mother. The sadness will always be in my heart, but hopefully there will be plenty of joy too.
All I can control is now. The gift that Lauren has given us is the knowledge that life is to be lived, not tomorrow, but now. Even in these very confusing and scary times all we can do is live our best life now.
I Love you Lauren 💙💙💙💙💙