The date always hits me like a sledgehammer. I know it's coming, but then in the morning I forget for a few blissful minutes.
10 months since she was last alive.
Tomorrow we go to Chorley Hospital to discuss the review of her death. Something no parent should ever have to do. I think the NHS were wonderful. We didn't request a review, but they do it automatically when a child dies.
Lauren was treated at Chorley & Preston hospital before she was transferred to Alderhey. We've already been back to Alderhey to see her consultants, but Covid has delayed the meeting with Lancashire Teaching Hospital until now.
In a way it feels like a backwards step, reliving those last few days. But it also feels like something we need to do, just in case it does throw up any questions that we need answering. It can't change the main thing I want to change. I don't believe this is something we will get "closure" from, but I did feel that talking to the consultants at Alderhey was the right thing to do, so hopefully I'll feel the same way after the meeting tomorrow.
Until then I'll probably just exist as a ball of tense energy, gritting my teeth, trying to keep busy so my mind doesn't wander.